What's in a Name? Let me explain...

Anu. Simple. Two syllables. Very self-explanatory...NOT.

Since I was a child, I remember always having different variations of my name. Annu-eee was given to me by my kindergarten comrade, April, who I adored to bits. My last memory of her was during my final day at Monarch Christian school, and as I was walking to the car. I heard my name being yelled. I looked around only to see April running wildly across the field, pigtails flying, shouting "Anuuuuu-eeee!!" as she lunged into my arms and proceeded to bear hug me. However, not all of my variations involve gumdrop sweet memories.

It was middle school, seventh grade, I believe, a tough time to be a kid. We were all growing, changing, metamorphosing...it was a gross period in my life. Ashwin was new, and he exuded this nonchalant "I don't care about anything" attitude that I would later call stupidity. Anyway, we were not exactly on good terms. This not-on-good-termedness culminated in my next variation, one that would plague me for the rest of the year: "Anu-species that sat in anu melon and laid a tree-egg". We were sitting in Biology, with quirky Miss Santos lecturing in the front. What with the Filipino pronunciations and the constant coca-cola breaks, we were hard pressed to learn much of anything, let alone listen to what she was saying. Unfortunately the one phrase that managed to be communicated clearly was " a new species of trees". The phrase that started it all, and by all I mean the consequent harassing and teasing. Later on in Middle School, I would become El Anu, a mosquito, and Anus, the possessive form of my name on days when I was too tired to care about apostrophes and punctuation. Needless to say, astronomy and grammar became two very detestable subjects, and the planet Uranus was my enemy.

Recently, we have been immersing ourselves in Classical Greek literature, especially Hesiod's Theogeny, which depicts the entire creation myth of the Greek gods. With footnotes galore, each passage is analyzed and backed up with similar creation myths from various other civilizations, especially the Sumerians, whose Sky God, Anu, was the ultimate, omnipotent creator of the Universe. Cool, right, sharing names with an old civilization's ultimate god? Wrong...absolutely wrong. Apparently, due to his constant displays of hubris (Like my new and improved SAT vocabulary?) his wife, Kumarabi, bit or somehow cut off his balls, and his genitals sprouted new, little child-gods. And if history does indeed repeat itself, then I do believe I may have the power of asexuality, so my class likes to think. I think I will need to watch out for anyone who wants to cut off my balls...oh wait, that's right, I'm a girl...yeah. We may face a problem there. I don't know how I will possibly be able to acquire the necessary male organs in time for childbirth! Oh, darn! Suffice to say, that was an awkward history class. I don't think I've blushed that much in one hour!

So, in conclusion, my parents are incredibly wretched people for being remiss in their naming duties. In their next life, I hope one of them is named Dilbert or Richard (Dick). Ah, sweet revenge.