Pray to the Cake Gods

Oh cake gods, I need an affirmation that you hear my pleas and have agreed that this poor soul has indeed suffered enough as to be able to have a frosting that comes together and stays together without complaint! Can I have a sign? A sudden rippling of milk that solidifies the chocolate? Or a stroke of lightning, I hear that the Big Guy does that often enough. Or maybe just a loud crash, I would understand that, yes. Help me make the batter that didn't rise enough as soft as possible, and the frosting as smooth and creamy as I can whip it. I'm not sure how the cake gods like it, but I will light some incense at your feet...or something else...I don't know, that's what God apparently loves since everyone does it, but I'm not sure why ringing a great, big bell is pleasing to God. I would glare ferociously at anyone who woke me up with clamoring bells just to see me all tossed and trampled in the morning. Anyways, cake gods, next time, I will go shopping myself because my father does not know the difference between baking soda and baking powder, and so my cake is about one inch thick...Was that loud banging a sign! Are you agreeing that fathers do tend to impede the natural courses of cakes everywhere! Oh...no Alisha just woke up...

Well, thank you in advance cake gods. God speed. Not that you need it, though, seeing as you are gods...
I'm going to go finish my cake now. Yeah.

I Can See the Future

I watched the movie Funny People a few days ago, the one with the laugh-out-loud cast that can't possibly disappoint (Adam Sandler, Jonah Hill, Seth Rogen...come on, it has to be funny!) Well, it was funny..for a slapstick loving couch potato who reveled in the common fart joke with occasional hints of sex and his own penis. Suffice to say, it was alright...at times funny, at times excruciatingly painful, with moments where I felt my brain rebel at the obscene amount of juvenile humor.

However, this is not the point of this post. The point is that in the movie there is a scene where Adam Sandler is confronted by his large, gargantuan, blond male doctor who, judging by his thick accent, is a descendant of the Vikings. The doctor is delivering to Sandler the sudden, breaking news that he only has an 8% chance of survival. I guess this was supposed to be one of those deep emotional moments where Adam Sandler, the comedian, only knows how to channel his grief and sadness into what he knows best, his jokes. So he starts telling the doctor that his hideous accent makes the news sound worse than it is because he sounds like a villain from James Bond, and so on and so forth. Nearing the end of this lengthy roast-fest, the doctor, annoyed by these insults, asks Adam if he has any last questions and Seth Rogen, who accompanied Sandler, says, "Yeah, I have one. I bought a cabinet from you guys recently and I need some help." Guffaw, guffaw, guffaw...oh the hilariousness of it all...

But, this got me thinking abut Ikea. And when I think about Ikea, for some reason I start dreaming about my future home. Coincidentally, I also received the Ikea catalog, and that got the inner dreamer in me going at full speed. I've already planned out my living room and bedroom, which is madness! But, I love the whole Swedish mumbo jumbo about open, airy spaces with bright, bold pieces to match your inner personality...and the stuff's cheap, what more do you need? Well, here goes...

Bedroom: So I'm thinking pristine white, but with tons and tons of fluffy orange pillows on the bed and little hints of orange here and there...not even hints, more like little peeps. I want the bed flush against windows with sheer curtains just like this wonderful piece of inspiration. I'm liking the comfy bed, and those lights on the bed are key for late night reading sessions. Airy, ethereal, clean. And those plants! Woah, totally adds to the effect! I'm also thinking of nixing the orange for light, cheery yellows. I think orange might scream YOW! a little loudly for my taste.


Living Room: Yes. Bring on the mismatched, patterned couches, please. Living rooms need color! They're called "living" rooms for Pete's sake. They need sofas you can sink into, rugs that feel like air, bright lighting, bright colors...the works! And I'm thinking white walls with one accented wall of bright green...or orange. Not sure. But I do know that I want a living room looks and feels like a place you want to work in, play in...but never sleep in. I'm a stickler against sleeping in living rooms.


I've also realized that this post was rather odd with it's irrelevant beginning. But I think I can manage a small line about how life is sometimes disconnected, but in the end the small pieces all come together to form something intelligible, something real.

Ah, how I love a post with a moral ending :)

Let the Weight Games Begin!

Our house, or rather two of the inhabitants of our house, shall now be characterized as...unfortunately, and in some cases unsuccessfully, health-conscious. Well, not health-conscious per se, but rather weight conscious, as in having a tendency to consult with their weighing scale every few minutes and maintaining the illusion of being "comfortably hungry". What is "comfortable hungry" anyways? How can hunger be in any way comfortable? Well...I don't have the answer...you'll have to ask Alisha.

You see, when I said "unsuccessfully health conscious", I was referring to...me. Yes, that's right. I am a servant to my own stomach. I fall prey to the wiles of delectable, moist, chocolatey brownies and mouth-watering morsels of cake, gobbling them down, showing no mercy! Can't you hear those potato chips calling in the cupboards of the pantry? Or the warm slices of toasted bread that beg to be dipped into vats and vats of savory, garlicky olive oil? Food was meant to be eaten! Oh yes, food is meant to be cherished and loved and...

I gained two pounds! Shoot! You see what I mean? You see what food does to people! I can feel the outlines of my body slowly turning into the mush of apple sauce or salty guacamole with flecks of tomatoes and subtle hints of spices like pepper, chillies...Jeez! I'm doing it again! Why couldn't food have zero calories? Why couldn't it be that when you exercised you gained weight? Or, as Alisha says, why can't you lose weight just by chattering and blithering away the entire day? That would be oh so wonderful.

But, you see, it's not like that. In this world yum! equals fattening and yuck! is unfortunately good for you. Things that make you tired are the ones that help you maintain a healthy weight and things that are wonderful, like regular, timed naps at frequent intervals, are indescribably bad for you. What kind of world is this? I would rather retreat into my own cocoon where I suddenly have the body I want and I got it as a result of an angel food cake diet.

As if that would ever happen!